I've Won Two Million Dollars!!!!!!

I've won two million dollars!!!!!! At least, that's what I've been told recently in a couple of e-mails I've received. It seems I've been so lucky that I've won two prizes, each about a million dollars, in two random drawings of e=mail addresses.
One of these e-mails has the following heading:

MARKETPLACE MIDDLE EAST UNDER
DIFC/DUBAI INTERNATIONL FINANCIAL CENTER
(YOUR GATEWAY TO GROWTH) AND MTN MIDDLE EAST NETWORK
IN COLLABORATION WITH INTERNATIONAL TELECOMMUNICATION UNION
PO Box 702101, Dubai Media City-United Arab Emirates
DUBAI INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PROGRAM

Then comes the good news:

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual final draws of the DIFC/DUBAI INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL CENTER (YOUR GATEWAY TO GROWTH), AND MTN Middle East Network in Collaboration with INTERNATIONAL TELECOMMUUCATION [sic] UNION LOTTERY PROGRAM PROMOTION. Your e-mail was among 20 Lucky winners who won $950,000.00 (Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars) each in the MARKETPLACE MIDDLE EAST UNDER DIFC/DUBAI INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL CENTER PROMO dated as stated above.

Wow! Pretty impressive, huh? And at the very bottom of the e-mail is the following name: Prince Sheikh Salaiman bin Hamad al-Khalifa. Now that's a name that sounds like MONEY.
The other e-mail gives the following address: Yahoo/Windows Live, 125 Shaftsbury Avenue WC2H 8AD London, United Kingdom. And here's the news of my good fortune:

All the executive members of Yahoo/Windows Live wish to inform you that you have won a prize money of Seven Hundred, Twenty Thousand Great Britain Pounds...for the 2009 new year Prize promotion which was organized by YAHOO MANAGEMENT TEAM & WINDOWS LIVE this Month of February 2009 to celebrate our 15 years since we became the best e-mail provider worldwide.

At an exchange rate of about $1.44 (US) for each British pound, that amounts to about $1,036, 800. So, according to these two emails, I've won a total of about two million dollars!!!!!!
However, I suspect these e-mails are scams of some kind. The fact that the e-mail that supposedly came from England is written in pretty poor English reinforces my skepticism. And by doing an Internet search for "Yahoo/Windows Live Drawing," I found that other people have received that same e-mail and give various reasons for dismissing it as a shoddily-done scam.
So, after all, being the pessimistic, skeptical, cynical guy that I am, I'm going to treat these e-mails as scams and ignore them.
Of course, last year I thought Ron Paul had no chance of being elected prsdent, and look how wrong I was about that.

I Predict

Jesus will be coming in the near future. No, not Jesus Christ, Jesus Morales, who will be coming to the US as an illegal immigrant from Mexico.

Muslims will impose Sharia (Islamic law) in Europe. Looking on the bright side, though, they'll repeal the European laws against "Holocaust Denial."

American Christians will be rounded up and herded into concentration camps. Then they will wake up, realize it was just a nightmare, and begin another boringly normal day.

Lucifer's Lexicon

Buchenwald, n. A notorious Nazi concentration camp and a much less well-known Commie concentration camp.

Lucifer's Lexicon

Amicus Curiae, n. A friend of the court, and therefore an enemy of the people.

Anti-Racism, n. A prejudice more acceptable than others.

Serf, n. A Euro-peon.

World War II, n. The six-year period, 1939-1945, during which 60 million people died for Danzig.

Lucider' Lexicon

Discrete, adj. Sneaky in a classy way.

Soviet Russia, n. Formerly, the future--but it didn't work.

War Criminal, n. One who does not abide by the rules for properly conducting mass slaughter.

Lucifer's Lexicon

Hypocracy, n. Rule by hypocrites, the only form of government there is. In the US, each of the major political parties accuses the other of hypocrisy, and both are correct in that accusation.

Revolutionary, n. One who is willing, even eager, to throw the dice and overthrow the government.

Piers Anthony Has Favorably Mentioned My Book

In his Feblueberry 2009 newsletter now posted on his website, fantasy and science fiction writer Piers Anthony has favorably mentioned my book, "The Myth of Natural Rights and Other Essays." Those of you who are involved in writing or publishing might find his newsletter interesting reading even if you don't read far enough to see what he said about my book. Revisionist history fans, and others, who read what Anthony says about my book will learn that he agrees with James Bacque's claim, in the book "Other Losses," that a million or more World War Two German POWs were allowed to starve to death by their American captors. As for my book, Anthony concludes, "...Rollins' book made me think, and it is worth reading by anyone else who likes to think. You don't have to agree; just consider."

I Predict

Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins will do a new novel that will focus on jail and prison inmates who are not Raptured to Heaven before the Tribulation. Naturally, the book will be titled "Left Behind Bars."

There will be wars and rumors of wars. There will be earthquakes and rumors of earthquakes. There will be other disasters and rumors of other disasters.

Atlantis will rise again. Then it will sink again.

Question for the Day

Is there a difference between "intelligent design" and "omniscient design"?

Give Me That Old Inquisition

( I thought of the song parody below a few years ago. A couple of years ago, I sent a copy of it to the Freedom From Religion Foundation. In her reply, Foundation President Anne Laurie Gaylor implied that Pete Seeger had written a similar parody. Pete Seeger--the Daily-Worker-reading folk singer. Since I've never seen or heard Seeger's version, I don't know HOW similar his is to mine, or vice versa. In any case, here's mine.)

Give Me That Old Inquisition
(to the tune of "Give Me That Old Time Religion")

Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
It's good enough for me.

It was good enough for the Dominicans.
It was good enough for the Dominicans.
It was good enough for the Domincans.
It's good enough for me.

Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
It's good enough for me.

It was good for Torquemada.
It was good for Torquemada.
It was good for Torquemada.
It's good enough for me.

Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
It's good enough for me.

Ode to the NEA

The following piece of humorous verse was written in ancient times, i.e., in the 1990s. It was published in a zine titled "S.L.U.G.fest." Last year, I sent this to the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA). Although I did receive a letter from the NEA with information about their writing fellowships, I haven't yet received such a fellowship or the accompanying money.

If I covered my body with honey
And screamed that I'm oppressed,
Would you gve me a whole lot of money
And tell me you're impressed?

If I wrote a grim play about AIDs
In which the whole cast died,
Would you pay for my Mexican maids
And my mansion on the West Side?

If I made a maudlin movie
About the Holocaust,
Would you think it was real groovy
And help defray the cost?

If I wrote some lesbian porno
Just like some Sapphic slut,
Would you quote someone like Adorno
To justify my smut?

If I blew up New York City
And called it "performance art,"
Would you think I was quite witty
And want to whiff my next fart?

Proofreading and Copy Editing Services

I am a very experienced proofreader and copy editor, having done such work for Loompanics Unlimited for 18 years. If you have proofreading and/or copy editing work you might want to hire me to do, you can email me at lou.rollins@rocketmail.com.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ANTI-DEFAMATION LEAGUE, n. A group of bloodhounds smelling after "anti-Semitism." As George Orwell once wrote (in a letter to a friend), "Some people go around smelling after anti-Semitism all the time. There is more rubbish written about this subject than any other I know of."

DUMPSTER DIVING, n. Discardianism. For more information, see the book, "Principia Discardia, or How I Found the Goodies and What I Did With Them After I Found Them."

GREAT GAME, THE, n. One part of a greater game, in which some people, the people who read William Guy Carr, are merely pawns. As for Carr, I believe he was a rook.

GUILLOTINE, n. A device used by French revolutionaries to achieve equalty by shortening the stature of aristocrats of above-average height.

GULLIBLE, adj. Willing to believe what I am not, and not willing to believe what I am.

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, THE, n. A house of ill repute.

INTERNET, THE, n. The information, misinformation and disinformation superhighways.

NEW HITLER, THE, n. The new target of wamongers.

POPULISTS, n. pl. People who are for the people who are for the people, and against the people who are against the people.

SACRED COW, n. A bovine deemed divine.

SAVAGE, MICHAEL, n. A silly savage who tells even bigger whoppers than other lying Zionist warmongers. For example, Savage goes beyond the usual lie that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, has threatened to wipe Israel off the map. According to Savage, Ahmadinejad has threatened to kill every Jew in the world.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ANTI-DEFAMATION LEAGUE, n. A group of bloodhounds smelling after "anti-Semitism." As George Orwell once wrote (in a letter to a friend), "Some people go around smelling after anti-Semitism all the time. There is more rubbish written about this subject than any other I know of."

DUMPSTER DIVING, n. Discardianism. For more information, see the book, "Principia Discardia, or How I Found the Goodies and What I Did With Them After I Found Them."

GREAT GAME, THE, n. One part of a greater game, in which some people, the people who read William Guy Carr, are merely pawns. As for Carr, I believe he was a rook.

GULLIBLE, adj. Willing to believe what I am not, and not willing to believe what I am.

NEW HITLER, THE, n. The new target of warmongers.

POPULISTS, n. pl. People who are for the people who are for the people, and against the people who are against the people.

SACRED COW, n. A bovine deemed divine.

Lucifer's Lexicon

CONSTITUTION, THE, n. A piece of paper that protects you from the government insofar as the government lets it protect you from itself.

DEMOCRATIC PARTY, n. The party of war and treason. The Republican Party is the exact opposite, the party of treason and war.

DISASTER, n. Good news for journalists , and for premillenial dipsensationalists.

EXPLORATION, n. A prelude to exploitation.

FARM WORKER, n. A Manuel laborer. One who stoops to reconquer.

MARIJUANA, n. Cannabis. It can also be spelled "cannabyss" to indicate that it is a weed with roots in hell.

MARONITE CHRISTIAN, n. The most common type of Christian in Lebanon. Not to be confused with a Moronite Christian, a common type of Christian in America.

PEACE PROCESS, THE, n. The process which might bring about peace between Israel and its enemies in about a million years or so.

PORNOGRAPHY, n. Originally and literally, the writings of prostitutes. Now, at least metaphorically, most writing.

TOUGH TIMES, n. pl. Times when the folks who work on Wall Street can no longer afford a $600 bottle of wine with their meals and have to settle for a $60 bottle.

TROPHY WIFE, n. A mantelpiece.

TRUMAN, HARRY S, n. The US president who gave 'em hell in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In his Foreword to Israel Shahak's book, "Jewish History, Jewish Religion," Gore Vidal wrote: "Sometime in the late 1950s, that world-class gossip and occasional historian, John F. Kennedy, told me how, in 1948, Harry S. Truman had been pretty much abandoned by everyone when he came to run for president. Then an American Zionist brought him two million dollars in cash, in a suitcase, aboard his whistlestop campaign train. 'That's why our recognition of Israel was rushed through so fast.'" I wonder if there is any connection between this story and the better known one about the sign on Truman's desk in his White House office that read, "The buck stops here!"?

WAR ON POVERTY, n. One of Lyndon Johnson's no-win wars.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ACID, n. LSD. A Hasidic rabbi once took LSD in an experiment. He reported that the experience was "truly religious but not Jewish enough." Presumably, therefore, he did not become an Acidic rabbi.

AMERICA, n. The greatest country on earth. In fact, it's the greatest country on any planet, in any solar system, in any galaxy, in any universe, in any dimension! USA! USA! USA!

ANARCHIST, n. One who realizes that the ship of state is a pirate ship.

ATHEIST, n. One who believes that Deicide is a victimless crime.

BREATHARIAN, n. One who claims to be a luftmensch. One who claims that man can live by breath alone.

CALLOUS, n. What you can develop by doing callousthenics.

ESPERANTO, n. An aspiring international language in which at least three or four people are now fluent.

HOPHEAD, n. A narcotics addict, especially an opium addict. This name makes no sense, since it is beer, not narcotics, that is made with hops.

HORAH, n. An Israeli folk dance. I wonder: Were the five dancing Israelis who were arrested on 9/11 dancing the horah? And is it illegal to dance the horah in New Jersey? Is that why they were arrested?

TELEPATHY, n. A means of communication cheaper to use than a telephone, but possibly not quite as reliable.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ARMADILLO, n. A poor man's pig. Some people angry with Herbert Hoover called the armadillo a Hoover hog during the Great Depression. I mean, the First Great Depression.

FRAGGING, n. The friendliest of all forms of friendly fire.

LIBBY, SCOOTER, n. One of the most honorable men that Dick Cheney has ever known.

MAGELLAN, FERDINAND, n. A pioneer of globalization.

NEW YORK TIMES, THE, n. All the news that it profits to print.

PAZZI FAMILY, THE, n. Bankers in 14th-Century Florence, best known for the Pazzi Conspiracy to assassinate Lorenzo de Medici and Giuliano de Medici, the two leading members of Florence's dominant banking family. So here we have a bankers' conspiracy AGAINST other bankers. (Although Giliano de Medici was killed, Lorenzo was not, and the conspiracy failed.)

RAPTURE OF THE DEEP, n. The intoxication experienced by deep-sea divers from breathing compressed air. Not to be confused with Rapture of the Dip, the assumption into Heaven that a premil dip (premillenial dipsensationalist) mistakenly expects to experience any second now.

REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH, n. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, something which every government does. No, Redistribution of Wealth was not invented by Barack Obama or FDR or Woodrow Wilson or even Karl Marx. For example, when the state of Georgia held the Gold Lottery of 1832, which awarded to winners 40-acre tracts of land that belonged to the Cherokee, that was Redistribution of Wealth.

STANDING ARMY, n. A menace, according to Thomas Jefferson and other Founding Fathers. I agree, but I will add that, in my opinion, a standing army is not as much of a menace as a marching army.

TIMOROUS, adj. As courageous as the American mass media, as, for example, in their coverage of the US-government-approved Indonesian invasion of East Timor.

Lucifer's Lexicon

BEAST, THE, n. The Secret Service code name for Barack Obama's new presidential limousine. What's with the Secret Service? Are they trying to drive Bible-prophecy nuts even nuttier than they already are, by suggesting that Obama IS the Antichrist, as some prophecy nuts have already been speculating? (Note: CNN and some other sources have given "The Beast" as the code name for the limo, but I now see other sources giving contradictory information, such as that the code name is "the Stagecoach." )

FLORIDA, n. The location of the Fountain of Youth, according to some informants of Ponce de Leon. Florida, more specifcally Southern Florida, is also the location of one of the sanctuaries of the Illuminati, according to William Guy Carr. And why do the Illuminati have such sanctuaries?
In "The Conspiracy to Destroy All Existing Governments and Religions," Carr wrote (circa 1958): "Only by making the whole truth known will we put an end to the Luciferian conspiracy upon this earth. If we continue to keep silence, because of the risks involved, the Luciferian conspiracy will progress to the final social cataclysm when the Goyim, with the use of atomic bombs and nerve gas, will slaughter each other by the tens of millions while the Illuminati , and their friends, bask in luxury on the sunny beaches of their sanctuaries." Apparently, contrary to the view of nuclear war in Nevil Shute's novel "On the Beach," basking on the sunny beaches of Southern Florida and other places is going to be sufficient to keep the Illuminati and their friends safe from the effects of atomic bombs and nerve gases. Who'd've ever guessed?

FOREIGN AID, n. In the words of Bernard Rosenberg, money taken from poor people in rich countries and given to rich people in poor countries.

GANJA, n. A potent form of marijuana used for smoking. Allegedly Miguel de Portugal, self-proclaimed receiver of Divine revelations, accuses Opus Dei of smuggling vast amounts of ganja. I certainly hope that's true, but if it is true, does that mean Opus Dei isn't Catholic, but rather Rastafari?

GUILT-BY-ASSOCIATION ARGUMENT, n. A type of argument which, if carried to its (il)logical conclusion, might prove that everyone in the world, including all the conspiracy theorists who use guilt-by-association arguments, are part of the One Giant Conspiracy.

PITBULLS, n. pl. The dogs of dog-eat-dog capitalism, according to Mitchell Jones, a pro-dog-eat-dog-capitalism intellectual.

SAINT GERMAIN, COUNT, n. Ascended Master of the 76th Degree and former Chohan of the 7th Ray. Pretty impressive credentials, huh? By some accounts, Count Saint Germain was the Hidden Architect and Creator of the United States of America. But then, by some other accounts, Lorenzo Ricci, the 18th Superior General of the Society of Jesus, was the Hidden Architect and Creator of the United States of America. In this case, as in some others, we seem to have duelling conspiracy theories.

SECOND COMING, THE, n. The long-awaited return appearance by Jesus Christ, Superstar.

SPECTER, ARLEN, n. A specter who is haunting America.

TECHNOLOGY, n. Practical magic.

TORTURE, n. Methods of interrogation that the US government absolutely must be able to use, according to many Republicans and other sadists.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ANTHEM, n. A song of allegiance, such as the following:

Atlantis, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of fantasy,
Of thee I sing,
Land of Blavatsky's pride,
Where black magicians died.
Round every oceanside
Let myth be king.

BIDEN JOSEPH, n. Joe AIPAC, politically a more important person than Joe Sixpack.

CITY, n. Hell and heaven on earth.

HAMAS, n. Israel's Frankenstein monster? (It has been alleged that in the late 1980s Israel supported Hamas in order to weaken Arafat's Fatah.)

NATURE, n. A source of authority even for supernaturalists. For example, in I Corinthians 11:14, Saint Paul (or somebody) wrote, "Doth not nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame to him?" Of course, nature does not teach any such thing. In nature, a man's hair normally grows to be long, just like a woman's hair, unless the man interferes with nature by cutting his hair or having someone else cut it.

PAROCHIAL SCHOOL, n. A school where students can still learn the three R's--Rum, Romanism and Rebellion.

PROTOCOLS OF THE LEARNED ELDERS OF ZION, n. A document that describes a plan to achieve world dominaton. Of course, as everybody knows, this document is a fraud, a fake, a forgery, a hoax. And, in this case, what everybody knows is probably true. At any rate, I find it very interesting that the Protocols, which Henry Ford once said "fit in with what is going on," contain nothing whatsoever about Zionism, nothing about Jewish immigation to Palestine to set up a Jewish state there. Despite that, some conspiracy nuts have had the chutzpah to attribute the Protocols to the Zionists.

PUBLISH OR PERISH, Trick or treatise.

REICHSTAG FIRE, n. A false false-flag operation. A widely accepted conspiracy theory claims that one way or another the Nazis set fire to the Reichstag building in 1933, to provide a pretext for cracking down on Communists and other political opponents. However, in his book, "The Reichstag Fire: Legend and Reality," Fritz Tobias made a convincing case that Marinus van der Lubbe was the lone arsonist, just as van der Lubbe himself claimed.

SEXISM, n. A new heresy, or rather, a new hisesy.

Lucifer' Lexicon

AFGHANISTAN, n. Formerly, the Russian bear trap. Now, the American eagle trap.

AMERICA, n. A land where anything is possible, where any boy can grow up to be president.

ETERNAL BLISS, n. Promises, promises.

HOLY GRAIL, THE, n. A holy cup or stone or bloodline or something. At any rate, whatever it is exactly, it's holy.

JESUS, n. A false prophet, according to the Gospel of Mark. (See Mark 8:38-9:1.)

KA'BAH, n. The structure that houses the Black Stone that is the only idol Muslims still worship.

LIBERTY, USS, n. The US Navy's intelligence ship that Israeli forces attacked during the Six-Day War of 1967, wounding more than 100 and killing more than 30 American crewmen, and providing one more of the many reasons why Israel is so widely regarded as the US's best and most reliable ally in the Middle East.

OBAMA, BARACK, n. As of January 20, 2009, the United States' brand spanking new emperor.

PARABLE, n. A means of communication used by Jesus to make sure some people would not understand him, believe and be saved. That's right, boys and girls. According to the Gospels, Jesus did not want to save everybody.

PLEIADIANS, THE, n. pl. A group of enlightened beings who have come to Earth to help us discover how to reach a new stage of evolution. Gosh. That's really nice of them, isn't it?

PRANAYAMA, n. Yogic breath control. Practicing pranayama can be somewhat like smoking marijuana but without smoking marijuana.

SKOPTSY, n. A member of a possibly defunct Russian sect who was man enough to emasculate himself, for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake, as per Matthew 19:12.

WETBACK, n. A participant in the Mexodus for whom the water did not part.

ZIONIST, n. An Israel estate agent.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ABEDNEGO, n. One of three Jews, the others being Shadrach and Meshach, who were thrown alive into the fiery furnace on Nebuchadnezzar's orders and who survived, unlike the Jews more recently thrown alive into the fiery furnace on Hitler's orders. They don't make Jews like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego any more.

BANK ROBBERY, n. 1. A robbery of a bank. 2. A robbery by a bank or banks, such as the $700 billion bank bailout of 2008.

CHANNELING, n. The New Age alternative to television. Unfortuately, television is more entertaining and more enlightening than channeling.

CHRISTIAN, n. A Christ addict. One who has a lamb on his back.

COMMITTEE OF 300, THE, n. The most secret society in the world, according to Dr. John Coleman, the most full of shit conspiracy writer in the world. (OK, maybe Coleman isn't the MOST full of shit conspiracy writer. Maybe Lyndon LaRouche is more full of shit. Or David Icke. Or William Guy Carr. Or F. Tupper Saussy. Or.... In any case, Coleman is definitely one of the most full of shit conspiracy writers in the world.)

EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN, n. A Christ addict seeking to recruit new users.

GOD, n. The big guy up in the sky who intelligently designed domesticated cats to help humans by eating vermin, and who also intelligently designed the big wildcats, such as man-eating tigers, to help humans by eating humans.

JOY VEH, interj. A Jewish expression of happiness.

KING OF KINGS, THE., n. The boss of all bosses.

LAWYER, n. A master of the court-martial art of Tongue Fu, AKA Jew Jitsu.

MAYAN CALENDER, THE, n. A bridge to galactic wisdom that fosters personal growth and human evolution. (Your money will not be refunded if you are not completely satisfied.)

MEMPHIS, n. An ancient Egyptian city that Elvis had moved to Tennessee.

SMOKER, n. An ambulatory air polluter.

Lucifer's Lexicon

BAY OF PIGS, n. Pigs at bay.

BLACK DEATH, n. The means by which God wiped out much of the population of Europe in the 14th century, thereby providentially creating a shortage of labor that enabled workers to demand and get better pay.

DIXON, JEANE, n. The true mastermind behind the conspiracy to assassinate JFK.

DRESS CODE, n. Don't suit yourself, suit us.

HAMAN, n. In the Old Testament book of Esther, an advisor to the Persian king Ahasuerus. In the Koran, an advisor to the nameless Pharaoh of the Exodus story. Apparently, Allah got his Bible stories mixed up when he was rehashing them for the Prophet Muhammad (may piss be upon him).

HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR, n. A blues singer whose signature song is "Nobody Knows the Treblinka I've Seen."

MIRACLE, n. One of God's special effects.

NERO, n. The Antichrist identified by the number 666 in the book of Revelation, according to some preterist partypoopers.

PROVIDENCE, n. God supposedly sticking his nose into mundane matters, according to someone who has benefitted from, or at least survived, said nose-sticking.

RADICAL TRADITIONALIST, n. A hunter-gatherer who spends his spare time writing books
denouncing Judaism, the Hermetic conspiracy, and civilization.

RECREATIONAL DRUGS, n. pl. The type of drugs popular among people in recreational vehicles.

SERMON ON THE MOUNT, n. The sermon in which Jesus, according to the Gospels, did not see eye to eye with Moses vis a vis an eye for an eye. An illustration of the immutable nature of "God's law"? Possibly not.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ABOLITIONIST, n. One who advocated the abolition of slavery, presuming to know better than the God of the Bible, who did not abolish it.

BOEING, The sound made by airplane parts bouncing off the ground.

CLASH OF CIVILIZATIONS, THE, n. The clash of barbarisms.

GAY DAY, n. St. Vaseline's Day.

MERCY, n. Kindness or forgiveness shown by God to the Israelites, if not to the Egyptians. ("O give thanks...[t]o him who smote Egypt in their firstborn: for his mercy endureth forever." Psalm 136: 1 and 10.)

MOUNT SINAI, n. The moral high ground.

MUSLIM ZIONIST, n. A very rare sort of individual, and therefore very precious.

PROSPERITY, n. God's reward to the righteous, or to the wicked, as the case may be.

RAPTURE READY, adj. Not ready for no Rapture.

REAL PEACE, n. The kind of peace that can only be achieved by real war.

WAL-MART,n. A company that directly provides many low=paying jobs in the US, and indirectly provides many even-lower-paying jobs in China.

Ode to Emperor Bush

Emperor Bush was a straight shooter,
But his bullets were bent, weren't they, Scooter?

Emperor Bush said what he meant,
But what he meant was always excrement.

Emperor Bush lied every which way.
He said we don't do torture, no way Jose.

Emperor Bush never told the truth.
They should've tried torture and yanked out his tooth.

When Slick Willie lied about getting some head,
Truth was important, Republicans said.

When the Emperor lied about everything,
A different tune did Republicans sing.

Emperor Bush--he never lied under oath,
Except for the times he was sworn in, both.

The Fourth Amendment Emperor Bush violated.
For a search warrant he just couldn't have waited.

Or so the Emperor said to justify
Seizing illegal power to snoop and to spy.

Emperor Bush didn't like dictators
Who didn't take dictation from their greaters.

The Emperor was not like King George, that's hooey.
The Emperor was much more like King Louis.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ACAPULCO GOLD,n. The possible basis for a commodity-money system that could be called the Acapulco-Gold standard.

ANTI-GENTILISM, n. Talmudslinging.

EPISTLE, n. A letter attributed to an apostle.

EUROPEAN UNION, THE, n. The current candidate for the role of "Revived Roman Empire" allegedly prophesied by Daniel, in the ever-evolving end-of-the-world-is-near propaganda of the premillenial dipsensationalists. But as should be obvious to anyone who isn't blinded by faith, the European Union, whatever it might be, is not a revived Roman Empire.

GOD'S LAW, n. The code of law that Utu, the sun god, gave to the Sumerian king Ur-Nammu.

HOLY FATHER, THE, n. The head of a church that worships Jesus, who reportedly said "Call no man on earth your father...." (Matthew 23:9)

IN FACT, In someone's unproven assertion.

JAHMAICA, n. The original home of the Rastafari movement.

LAHAYE, TIM, n. A premillenial dipsensationalist who makes real profits by lying about false prophets.

LAVON AFFAIR, THE, n. The political scandal in Israel which resulted from the failure of an Israeli conspiracy in Egypt. The conspiracy, Operation Susannah, involved Egyptian Jews who were working for Israel planting firebombs in US and British buildings in Cairo in 1954, with the intent of blaming the bombings on Arab terrorists and souring relations between Egypt, on the one hand, and the US and Britain, on the other. This is just one of the many reasons why Israel is so widely regarded as the US's best and most reliable ally in the Middle East.

MAD SCIENTIST, n. One of whom it might be said that there is scientific method in his madness.

MARILYN MONROE DOCTRINE, THE, n. The foreign policy doctrine enunciated by president
John F. Kennedy whereby he warned foreign leaders to keep their hands off of Marilyn Monroe.

OPEN BORDERS, n.pl., Hispanics Unlimited.

POLLUTER, n. A rich looter.

PROPERTY TAX, n. The rent paid to the supreme landlord, the government.

PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING, n. A sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers.

SERIAL KILLER, n. A murder addict. According to conspiracy theorist Michael Hoffman II, the term "serial killer" is heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "cereal killer," suggesting human sacrifices to the pagan goddess Ceres. The following are some questions that I've addressed to Hoffman that he has not answered: Is "mass murderer" heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "mass [i.e., communion or the Eucharist] murderer," suggesting human sacrifices to Jesus Christ? Is "parish priest" heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "perish, priest," suggesting the telling of a priest to die? Is "lone assassin" heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "loan assassin," suggesting a killer working for the Bankers? Is "missile attack" heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "missal [prayerbook] attack," suggesting a Christian religious war? Is "sleigh bells" heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "slay belles," suggesting an order to kill popular, attractive girls or women? Is "genocide" heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "Jennacide, " suggesting the killing of someone named "Jenna"? Is "Deliverer" [i.e., Savior] heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "de-liverer" [i.e., remover of one's liver], suggesting the liver-eating eagle Zeus used to punish Prometheus? Is "Dachau" heard in the unconscious Group Mind of the masses as "Doc, ow," suggesting painful medical atrocities? Etc., etc., etc.

ZIONISM, n. Out of the ghettoes and into the Ghetto State.

Lucifer's Lexicon

BRAINWASHINGTON, D.C., n. The capital of the United States.

CHRISTIAN ZIONIST, n. One who is doubly deceitful.

CONSPIRACY THEORIST, n. One who says the Pope is not Catholic.

CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE, n. A substance that is not controlled, although the government might be trying to control it.

FUNDAMENTALIST, n. One who knows how to read but not how to think.

HISTORICAL JESUS, THE, n. The Jesus who really existed, according to any one of the 57 different theories about the supposed historical Jesus.

HOLOCAUST , THE, n. The greatest excuse of all time. Remember: You can't criticize the Israelis until they've killed more than Six Million Arabs and/or Muslims.

IGNORAMUS, n. One who only knows what he reads in the papers.

LIAR, n. Anyone who denies that Jesus is the Christ, according to a fanatical, dogmatic Christian liar.

NUCLEAR POWER, n. A Chernobyl manifestation of the power of man's mind.

RAPTURE, THE, n. An expression that is not in the Bible. "The Bible" is another expression that is not in the Bible.

SATANIST, n. Anyone so designated by a raving religious fanatic.

THINKING, n. A Satanic activity and a leading cause of civilization. Remember: If God had wanted us to think, He would have given us brains.

WORLD WAR II, n. 1. The Triumph of the Won't. 2. The Triumph of Good over Evil, according to pseudoskeptic Michael Shermer and other believers in the comic-book version of the war.

Lucifer's Lexicon

AHMADINEJAD, MAHMOUD, n. The new Hitler, according to the same old lying warmongers.

AMOTIVATIONAL SYNDROME, n. The psychological disorder that leads marijuana smokers to feel that nothing is worth doing except smoking marijuana. It is this lexicographer's guess that the late "Vietnam syndrome" was simply a specific aspect of a more general amotivational syndrome.

CAMPAIGN, n. In US politics, a race in which a horse's hind end almost always wins.

CONCERNED CITIZEN, n. One who believes it is better to give a shit than to take a shit.

EGALITARIAN, n. A member of the Not-see Party.

FRENCH TICKLER, n. A device whose nature and purpose is unknown to this lexicographer, although he suspects it is some sort of toy meant for the amusement of babes. In any case, he knows that American patriots no longer call it a "French tickler," but rather a "Freedom tickler."

JACKSON, ANDREW, n. A US president who reputedly was a Freemason and, therefore, must have been a tool of the Bankers' Conspiracy. Or maybe not.

LIMITED GOVERNMENT, n. Government limited to its one legitimate purpose, world domination.

PLUTOCRACY, n. Government by the wealthy. Not to be confused with "Platocracy," governmeny by a philosopher.

PUBLIC DIPLOMACY, n. A propaganda euphemism for propaganda.

SELF-GOVERNMENT. n. Government by someone else who belongs to the same group.

STRAIGHT SHOOTER,n. One who, like George W. Bush, is forthright and honest, according to those who are not.

STRONG ON DEFENSE, Willing, even eager, to spend money on the military like a drunken sailor with only one weekend left to live.

UNILATERAL DISARMAMENT, n. Any miniscule reduction in US military spending.

WAR, n. A means of torture that is not opposed by warmongers such as John McCain.

Lucifer' Lexicon

BLAME AMERICA FIRSTER, n. The term used by Blame America Neverers to refer to anyone who ever criticizes America's rulers, who, of course, are above criticism. Yes, sitting up there on top of that huge pile of money, our rulers are way above criticism.

COALITION OF THE WILLING, THE, n. A folie a deux.

CONSPIRACY THEORY, n. A theory about a conspiracy, such as Alvin Rosenfeld's theory about an Arab-Muslim conspiracy to destroy Israel, which he expounded in his 1977 book, "The Plot to Destroy Israel." As Rosenfeld so cogently noted, the Arab and Muslim countries of the Middle East would never dream of fighting against each other, so the only possible reason for their acquisition of weapons was to use them to destroy Israel, which, of course, is exactly what they did.

DRUG-FREE AMERICA, A, n. A utopian fantasy used to irrationally rationalize the War on Some Drugs.

FORCE, n. The means by which Great Powers sometimes seek to show that international disputes must be settled by discussion and not by force.

HIZBALLAH, n. In Lebanon, the Party of God. In the US, the Republican Party is the Party of God.

LOVE CRIME, n. A crime motivated by love and which, therefore, should be punished less severely than the same crime committed with a different motivation.

PROCRASTINATOR, n. One who puts off until later what he could do sooner, such as, for example, a Nazi who said "Tomorrow, the world," or a Jew who says, "Next year in Jerusalem.

SELF-DEFENSE, n. The God-given right to kill anyone whom you paranoiacally presume might possibly attack you someday. Fortunately, God gave this right only to Israelis and Americans, and not to Ayrabs or Muzzlems.

WORLD WAR TWO, n. The Good War. But to borrow a line from Ayn Rand: Good for whom, and by what standard?

Lucifer's Lexicon

ABORTION, n. A preemptive strike against a potential future terrorist.

BOHEMIAN GROVE, n. The place where the rich and powerful gather to worship Moloch, an owl-god, according to Alex Jones, who apparently worships some sort of bull-god.

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THE, n. The United States' declaration of its independence from Great Britain. This lexicographer is awaiting, but not holding his breath while doing so, the United States' declaration of its independence from Israel.

HOOVER, J. EDGAR, n. A vacuum cleaner that sucked up lots of dirt.

LEVITY, n. The force that opposes gravity and makes levitation possible.

LIBERTARIAN PARTY, n. The Doctor Pepper of American politics.

MILITANT, n. One who it is kosher for Israel to kill. Beyond that, this lexicographer doesn't know what this word means.

POET, n. One who is penny foolish but Pound wise. One who knows a word's worth.

PRESENT DANGER, THE, n. The present pretext for American militarism and imperialism.

PROLIFER, n. One who believes all human life is sacred and who, therefore, is very happy that Josef Stalin was not aborted.

REEFER MADNESS,n. The insanity invariably inspired by smoking the devil's weed, marijuana. It leads to loud music, illicit sex, and homicide. Yes, smoking marijuana always leads to homicide, preferably of some narc.

TWO-PARTY SYSTEM, n. A political system that is more fun than a one-party system, but not as much fun as a three-party, or four-party, or five-party system.

WELTSCHMERZ, n. Germanic depression.

Lucifer's Lexicon

AMERICAN, n. A sheep whose fleece is red, white and blue.

BIN LADEN, OSAMA, n. A freedom fighter, according to Ronald Reagan. A terrorist, according to George W. Bush. As the saying goes: One Republican's freedom fighter is another Republican's terrorist.

GAY LIBERATION, n. Out of the closet and into the casket.

GREAT WHITE SHARK, n. A type of fish created by a benevolent Deity to provide a role model for Compassionate Conservatives.

HOLOCAUST, THE, n. A beloved conspiracy theory that's not called a conspiracy theory because it's the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, so help me Hannah and her sisters, so you'd better believe it, punk.

HUXLEY, ALDOUS, n. A writer notorious for his virulent anti-Semitism, as expressed in such books as "Eyeless in Gaza" and "Brave Jew World."

MEDICAL MARIJUANA, n. A gateway drug which will lead to the use of medical heroin, or at least medical morphine.

MIDDLE CLASS, THE, n. The backbone of American society, a society notorious for its lack of backbone.

MYSTIC, n. One who, like Ouspensky, could go mad from one ashtray, or one ashram.

REASON, n. The faculty with which one can find a reason for anything.

REVENGE, n. Getting even, or getting even more than even.

REVOLUTION, n. A gun-American activity.

ROSICRUCIAN, n. Originally, a supposed member of a supposed secret society whose supposed lips supposedly were Hermetically sealed.

SIN, n. A god first worshipped in ancient Harran but now universally revered.

SYCHOPHANT, n. One who seeks upward mobility through upward sucking.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ACID HEAD, n. One who trips the light fantastic.

CONSPIRACY, n. Piracy on the secret sea.

CONSPIRACY THEORY, n. A way for non-Marxists to wage class warfare against the rich and powerful.

CSICOP, n. A skeptic tank.

DOGWOOD, n. A tree whose bark is worse than its bite.

DRUG CZAR, n. A despot-head.

FULL MOON, n. The moon when it is visible as a fully illumnated disk. The night of a full moon is the time when werewolves and weredoes prowl.

GONZO JOURNALIST, n. An amuckraker.

GREENSPAN, n. Formerly, the width of a handful of Federal Reserve Notes.

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, n. A house that is usually divided against itself and yet still stands.

IDIOT, n. Anyone who disagrees with an asshole.

MOON, SUN MYUNG, n. A Moon that is always full.

NEWSWORTHY, n. Worthy of news coverage, such as, for instance, a meeting of rich and powerful people, including bankers, industrialists, media people, diplomats and politicians,which is why the mainstream media always make a point of covering the annual meetings of the Bilderbergers.

PATRIOT, n. In the post-9/11 United States, one who wears an American-flag pin to show his love for Israel.

SACRED, adj. Profane but pretentious.

SMART BOMB, n. A weapon with an IQ higher than that of the patriots who reflexively applaud its use.

SOUTHERN BAPTIST, n. A Baptist who is even stupider than other Baptists.

Lucifer's Lexicon

AMBULANCE CHASER, n. A shyster who isn't shy.

AMERICAN INTERESTS, n. 1. Corporate interests. 2. Israeli interests.

BASKET CASE, n. A soldier who has said a farewell to arms--and legs.

BELIEVER, n. An opinion addict.

CATECHISM, n. Dogmatism.

CENSORSHIP, n. Vee haff vays uff making you shut up.

CIA, n. The Conspiratorial Intervention Agency.

COMMON SENSE, n. The faculty that enables one to see the obvious truth, such as that the earth is the center of the universe around which all else revolves.

HERETIC, n. One who disagrees with a fanatic.

HERESY, n. An underdogma.

ISRAEL, n. The United States' best ally in the Middle East, which is why, whenever the US gets into a war in the Middle East, Israeli troops are right there fighting along with American troops against our common foes.

MALPRACTICE SUIT, n. Shyster vs. Sawbones.

NEW WORLD ORDER, n. A new and improved world order.

PEACE WITH HONOR, n. Defeat with deceit.

RENDEZVOUS WITH DESTINY, n. A tete-a-tete with TNT.

THANKSGIVING DAY, n. A day when Americans give thanks that they are not turkeys, even though many of them actually are.

WAR, n. Apparently a very bad thing, since every warmonger abhors it.

ZIONIST PROPAGANDA, n. AIPAC of lies.

Hello Again, Allah

Dear Allah,
Hello again, you BS artist.
In my satirical essay, "An Open Letter to Allah," in my book, "The Myth of Natural Rights and Other Essays" (Nine-Banded Books, $13), I criticized one of your blatantly specious arguments for your own existence, an argument which went like this: "Seest thou not that Allah sends down rain from the sky, and forthwith the earth becomes clothed with green?"
But in rereading "The Holy Qur'an," as translated by Abdullah Yusuf Ali, I noticed, particularly in Surah 56, another, somewhat different type of argument for your existence. It's a type of argument known in informal logic as a false dichotomy, false alternative, or an either-or argument. It involves asserting there are only two possibilities when there are actually more than that.
Usually, the one who is using this cheap debating trick will say there are only two alternatives, one that is easy to refute, and the other one that he wants suckers to believe. After refuting the easy-to-refute alternative, he then triumphantly declares that the other alternative must be the truth.
In Surah 56, you don't bother to spell all that out, Allah, but here's one example of the false dichotomies you set up:

"See ye the water which ye drink?
"Do ye bring it down (in rain) from the cloud or do We?" (Surah 56: 68-69)

So you're trying to pretend there are only those two possibilities: (1) either humans bring down the rain from the cloud, or (2) you bring (or send) down the rain, Allah. Presumably, you expect us to reject (1). OK. Let's say you're right in implying that humans don't bring down the rain (even though there might be some exceptions to that generalization). That doesn't prove that you send down the rain, Allah, because you've ignored and haven't refuted at least two other possibilities.
The first is the possibility that rain is sent down, not by you, Allah, but by some other god, perhaps a god more worthy of worship than you. Maybe Yahweh, or Ahura Mazda, or Zeus, or Thor, or Chalchihuitlcue.
The other possibility you've ignored, Allah, is that the rain comes down as part of a natural cycle of events without any god being involved. And here's the thing, Allah. Your long, boring book contains lots of specious, inconclusive arguments for your existence as "the Creator" of everything, but not a single, solid, conclusive argument for the existence of any such creator of everything.
If, as you pretend, you are all-knowing and all-wise, why can't you create some better arguments, Allah? As I've pointed out before, some mere human philosophers have actually managed to create better, more convincing arguments than you have for the existence of a creator-god.
Allah, you're a fake,a fraud, a phony. Go play in traffic, Allah.
Yours truly,
L. A. Rollins

Ode to Emperor Bush

Emperor Bush--you had to admire
How he so boldly led us into a quagmire.

Emperor Bush never ended the war.
That's not what he started it for.

The war in Iraq was not a mistake
Even though the reasons that were given were all fake.

Emperor Bush was so endearing
To friends and family who were war profiteering.

Emperor Bush--wasn't he lucky
He could give some war bucks to Uncle Bucky?

Emperor Bush solved all our problems
By cutting taxes and killing Moslems.

Emperor Bush had a complex mind,
The military-industrial kind.

The military budget did not shrink
And now the Navy sails a sea of red ink.

If you want to buy a bunch of tanks,
Go borrow some money from the banks.

Emperor Bush dug us deeper into debt,
But our kids can pay it, so, hey, no sweat.

Emperor Bush supported our troops
By getting them killed for selfish reasons, you dupes.

Emperor Bush was a regular guy,
A Skull and Bones member just like you and I.

Emperor Bush cared about me.
I had a billion dollars, you see.

The Emperor opposed double taxation
On any investor or corporation.

As for employees (can you guess what rhymes?),
It was okay to tax them four or five times.

Emperor Bush didn't have to think.
He waged class warfare just from instink.

Ode to Emperor Bush

Emperor Bush--a great hero was he.
He kilt him a terrorist when he was only three.

Emperor Bush fought terror so boldly
By invading Iraq and killing people coldly.

Emperor Bush was such a brave Americano
He refused to fight Saddam mano a mano.

Emperor Bush was a man of peace,
Just like Sharon, the bloodstained beast.

Emperor Bush was braver than braver.
He kissed Israeli ass only 'cause he loved the flavor.

Emperor Bush knew what Jesus would do.
Jesus was a neocon warmonger Jew.

Emperor Bush walked in Churchill's shoes,
A hardcore warmonger, but without the booze.

Emperor Bush was not a lame duck.
He ducked real good when the shoethrower struck.

And to judge from what I saw on the cable-TV news,
That guy must have thrown at least a thousand shoes.

Lucifer's Lexicon

CONSTITUTION, THE, n. A constitution that was unconstitutionally substituted for the original US constitution, the Articles of Confederation.
,
DEMJANJUK TRIAL, n. A Jerusalem witch trial. (Fuck 'em, if they can't take demjewjokes.)

FACIST, n. One who judges another person based on his or her face.

GOAD, JIM, n. The World's Bravest Man, unless maybe Ali Fadel, mayor of Baghdad, is the World's Bravest Man, or Alex Jones, or....

HIROSHIMA, n. A Japanese city Harry Truman decided to atomize because it was a military target and he didn't want to kill civilians.

HOLOCAUST, THE, n. The most evil and most entertaining crime of all time.

9/11, n. The day when everything changed, when George W. Bush transformed from moron to genius, when the Bush II administration lost all interest in invading Iraq, and when the US government dropped Israel like a hot potato.

RETALIATE, v. To take an eye for an eye, or in the case of Israel, to take a hundred eyes for an eye.

RON PAUL REVOLUTION, THE, n. A revolution that is not a revolution, at least not so far.

SELF-CENSORSHIP, n. Tying one's own tongue.

SIRIUS, n. The hidden supreme god of the secret societies of the West, just like Jahbulon, Lucifer, Satan, etc.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ABOMINATION, n. An action that puts God's nose righteously out of joint, such as men having sex with men or anyone eating shrimp.

ABSOLUTE , adj. Obsolete.

Amenable, adj. Willing to say, "Amen."

AMERICA, n. Columbia, the Purloined Gem of the Ocean.

ARMS CONTROL, n. People control. I'm sure the folks at the John Birch Society will agree that when Weapons of Mass Destruction are outlawed only outlaws will have Weapons of Mass Destruction.

BLACK ATLANTIS, n. The title of this lexicographer's book proving that Atlantis was the first civilization and that it was a Black civilization.

CREATIONIST, n. One who knows that humans are not animals, which is why humans don't eat, drink, defecate, urinate or copulate.

CULT, n. A religion that is disapproved of, especially if it is smaller and less powerful than other religions. Past and present cults include Jews for Jesus, Christians for Krishna, Quakers for Quetzalcoatl, Zoroastrians for Zeus, Sciencefictionology, the Dead People's Temple, the Latter-Day Sinners, etc.

GOD, n. A word which will be erased from the lexicon of life when our Luciferian Conpiracy has achieved complete control. Nyah hah hah! Nyah hah hah hah hah!

INVESTOR, n. One who gambles on Wall Street rather than in Atlantic City or Las Vegas.

MAN, n. In traditional Catholicism, a sack of shit made in the image of God.

MARKET MYSTIC, n. One who believes in the magic of the market.

MENOMINEE, n. An American Indian tribe consisting of all those who have been nominated for an Academy Award. Members of the tribe can sometimes be heard to say, "Me nominee."

PURITAN, n. One who believes that even sex in the shower is filthy.

WATERBOARDING, n. An extreme sport that many Muslims have participated in in recent years.

Lucifer's Lexicon

APOSTLE, n. A fisher of men who uses the worm of immortality as bait.

ARMAGEDDON THEOLOGY, n. This is the way the world ends, not with a whimper, but with a Bible bang. Blessed are the warmongers for they shall be blown to Kingdom Come.

BLACK SHEEP, n. One who has a b-a-a-a-d attitude.

CONSPIRACY THEORIST, n. One who is devoted to giving conspiracy theory a bad name.

FUNDAMENTALIST, n. One who takes the Bible literally, except when he doesn't.

HERITAGE, n. An inheritance, such as Christianity or hemophilia.

INEVITABLE, adj. Unavoidable, unless you do what I tell you to do to avoid it.

JESUS, n. The imaginary friend of over a billion chldren of all ages.

MONEY, n. The measure of all things.

RAPTURE, THE, n. Beam me up, Goddy.

ROYALTY, n. A share paid to a writer of the proceeds from the sale of his or her work: so-called because it invariably enables him or her to live like royalty, such as an Ellery Queen or a Stephen King.

SALIVATION, n. A prerequisite for salvation.

SELF-EMPLOYED, adj. Self-exploited.

TRUTH, n. Apparently a very good thing, since every liar and every raving, dogmatic fanatic loves it above all else.

WE THE PEOPLE, n.pl. What do you mean "We," White man?

Lucifer's Lexicon

AMERICAN POWER, n. An exception to Lord Acton's dictum that power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Why is it an exception? Don't ask me. Ask the exponents of the doctrine of American Exceptionalism. I'm sure they'll have an exceptionally excellent answer.

ATHEIST,n. A Biblebanger-basher.

CORPORATE CAPITALISM , n. Collectivist capitalism.

GARLIC, n. An onionlike plant used to purify one's blood and to prevent one's purified blood from being drunk by vampires.

INCEST SURVIVOR, n. One of the rare few victims of incest who has lived to tell the tale to Oprah.

INNOCENT VICTIM, n. The best kind of victim, for propaganda purposes. After all, who would care about a guilty victim?

MUFFLER, n. A device that reduces the noise of an internal-combustion engine, but not nearly enough.

ROGUE STATE, n. A state that commits the offense of impersonating the policeman of the
world.

SCALPER, n. A barbarous barber who takes much too much off the top.

SCHOLERA, n. An acute, infectious, academic disease characterized primarily by serious intestinal-fortitude disorders.

UNBELIEVER, n. One who might believe all sorts of things, but just not the same exact things that you believe.

(The above definitions were not included in "Lucifer's Lexicon," the book published by Loompanics Unlimited in 1987, but they could be included in a sequel to or new edition of that book.)