I Predict

Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins will do a new novel that will focus on jail and prison inmates who are not Raptured to Heaven before the Tribulation. Naturally, the book will be titled "Left Behind Bars."

There will be wars and rumors of wars. There will be earthquakes and rumors of earthquakes. There will be other disasters and rumors of other disasters.

Atlantis will rise again. Then it will sink again.

Question for the Day

Is there a difference between "intelligent design" and "omniscient design"?

Give Me That Old Inquisition

( I thought of the song parody below a few years ago. A couple of years ago, I sent a copy of it to the Freedom From Religion Foundation. In her reply, Foundation President Anne Laurie Gaylor implied that Pete Seeger had written a similar parody. Pete Seeger--the Daily-Worker-reading folk singer. Since I've never seen or heard Seeger's version, I don't know HOW similar his is to mine, or vice versa. In any case, here's mine.)

Give Me That Old Inquisition
(to the tune of "Give Me That Old Time Religion")

Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
It's good enough for me.

It was good enough for the Dominicans.
It was good enough for the Dominicans.
It was good enough for the Domincans.
It's good enough for me.

Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
It's good enough for me.

It was good for Torquemada.
It was good for Torquemada.
It was good for Torquemada.
It's good enough for me.

Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
Give me that old Inquisition.
It's good enough for me.

Ode to the NEA

The following piece of humorous verse was written in ancient times, i.e., in the 1990s. It was published in a zine titled "S.L.U.G.fest." Last year, I sent this to the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA). Although I did receive a letter from the NEA with information about their writing fellowships, I haven't yet received such a fellowship or the accompanying money.

If I covered my body with honey
And screamed that I'm oppressed,
Would you gve me a whole lot of money
And tell me you're impressed?

If I wrote a grim play about AIDs
In which the whole cast died,
Would you pay for my Mexican maids
And my mansion on the West Side?

If I made a maudlin movie
About the Holocaust,
Would you think it was real groovy
And help defray the cost?

If I wrote some lesbian porno
Just like some Sapphic slut,
Would you quote someone like Adorno
To justify my smut?

If I blew up New York City
And called it "performance art,"
Would you think I was quite witty
And want to whiff my next fart?

Proofreading and Copy Editing Services

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Lucifer's Lexicon

ANTI-DEFAMATION LEAGUE, n. A group of bloodhounds smelling after "anti-Semitism." As George Orwell once wrote (in a letter to a friend), "Some people go around smelling after anti-Semitism all the time. There is more rubbish written about this subject than any other I know of."

DUMPSTER DIVING, n. Discardianism. For more information, see the book, "Principia Discardia, or How I Found the Goodies and What I Did With Them After I Found Them."

GREAT GAME, THE, n. One part of a greater game, in which some people, the people who read William Guy Carr, are merely pawns. As for Carr, I believe he was a rook.

GUILLOTINE, n. A device used by French revolutionaries to achieve equalty by shortening the stature of aristocrats of above-average height.

GULLIBLE, adj. Willing to believe what I am not, and not willing to believe what I am.

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, THE, n. A house of ill repute.

INTERNET, THE, n. The information, misinformation and disinformation superhighways.

NEW HITLER, THE, n. The new target of wamongers.

POPULISTS, n. pl. People who are for the people who are for the people, and against the people who are against the people.

SACRED COW, n. A bovine deemed divine.

SAVAGE, MICHAEL, n. A silly savage who tells even bigger whoppers than other lying Zionist warmongers. For example, Savage goes beyond the usual lie that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, has threatened to wipe Israel off the map. According to Savage, Ahmadinejad has threatened to kill every Jew in the world.

Lucifer's Lexicon

ANTI-DEFAMATION LEAGUE, n. A group of bloodhounds smelling after "anti-Semitism." As George Orwell once wrote (in a letter to a friend), "Some people go around smelling after anti-Semitism all the time. There is more rubbish written about this subject than any other I know of."

DUMPSTER DIVING, n. Discardianism. For more information, see the book, "Principia Discardia, or How I Found the Goodies and What I Did With Them After I Found Them."

GREAT GAME, THE, n. One part of a greater game, in which some people, the people who read William Guy Carr, are merely pawns. As for Carr, I believe he was a rook.

GULLIBLE, adj. Willing to believe what I am not, and not willing to believe what I am.

NEW HITLER, THE, n. The new target of warmongers.

POPULISTS, n. pl. People who are for the people who are for the people, and against the people who are against the people.

SACRED COW, n. A bovine deemed divine.