Lucifer's Lexicon

AHMADINEJAD, MAHMOUD, n. The new Hitler, according to the same old lying warmongers.

AMOTIVATIONAL SYNDROME, n. The psychological disorder that leads marijuana smokers to feel that nothing is worth doing except smoking marijuana. It is this lexicographer's guess that the late "Vietnam syndrome" was simply a specific aspect of a more general amotivational syndrome.

CAMPAIGN, n. In US politics, a race in which a horse's hind end almost always wins.

CONCERNED CITIZEN, n. One who believes it is better to give a shit than to take a shit.

EGALITARIAN, n. A member of the Not-see Party.

FRENCH TICKLER, n. A device whose nature and purpose is unknown to this lexicographer, although he suspects it is some sort of toy meant for the amusement of babes. In any case, he knows that American patriots no longer call it a "French tickler," but rather a "Freedom tickler."

JACKSON, ANDREW, n. A US president who reputedly was a Freemason and, therefore, must have been a tool of the Bankers' Conspiracy. Or maybe not.

LIMITED GOVERNMENT, n. Government limited to its one legitimate purpose, world domination.

PLUTOCRACY, n. Government by the wealthy. Not to be confused with "Platocracy," governmeny by a philosopher.

PUBLIC DIPLOMACY, n. A propaganda euphemism for propaganda.

SELF-GOVERNMENT. n. Government by someone else who belongs to the same group.

STRAIGHT SHOOTER,n. One who, like George W. Bush, is forthright and honest, according to those who are not.

STRONG ON DEFENSE, Willing, even eager, to spend money on the military like a drunken sailor with only one weekend left to live.

UNILATERAL DISARMAMENT, n. Any miniscule reduction in US military spending.

WAR, n. A means of torture that is not opposed by warmongers such as John McCain.