Lucifer's Lexicon

CONSTITUTION, THE, n. A piece of paper that protects you from the government insofar as the government lets it protect you from itself.

DEMOCRATIC PARTY, n. The party of war and treason. The Republican Party is the exact opposite, the party of treason and war.

DISASTER, n. Good news for journalists , and for premillenial dipsensationalists.

EXPLORATION, n. A prelude to exploitation.

FARM WORKER, n. A Manuel laborer. One who stoops to reconquer.

MARIJUANA, n. Cannabis. It can also be spelled "cannabyss" to indicate that it is a weed with roots in hell.

MARONITE CHRISTIAN, n. The most common type of Christian in Lebanon. Not to be confused with a Moronite Christian, a common type of Christian in America.

PEACE PROCESS, THE, n. The process which might bring about peace between Israel and its enemies in about a million years or so.

PORNOGRAPHY, n. Originally and literally, the writings of prostitutes. Now, at least metaphorically, most writing.

TOUGH TIMES, n. pl. Times when the folks who work on Wall Street can no longer afford a $600 bottle of wine with their meals and have to settle for a $60 bottle.

TROPHY WIFE, n. A mantelpiece.

TRUMAN, HARRY S, n. The US president who gave 'em hell in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In his Foreword to Israel Shahak's book, "Jewish History, Jewish Religion," Gore Vidal wrote: "Sometime in the late 1950s, that world-class gossip and occasional historian, John F. Kennedy, told me how, in 1948, Harry S. Truman had been pretty much abandoned by everyone when he came to run for president. Then an American Zionist brought him two million dollars in cash, in a suitcase, aboard his whistlestop campaign train. 'That's why our recognition of Israel was rushed through so fast.'" I wonder if there is any connection between this story and the better known one about the sign on Truman's desk in his White House office that read, "The buck stops here!"?

WAR ON POVERTY, n. One of Lyndon Johnson's no-win wars.