Lucifer's Lexicon

ABEDNEGO, n. One of three Jews, the others being Shadrach and Meshach, who were thrown alive into the fiery furnace on Nebuchadnezzar's orders and who survived, unlike the Jews more recently thrown alive into the fiery furnace on Hitler's orders. They don't make Jews like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego any more.

BANK ROBBERY, n. 1. A robbery of a bank. 2. A robbery by a bank or banks, such as the $700 billion bank bailout of 2008.

CHANNELING, n. The New Age alternative to television. Unfortuately, television is more entertaining and more enlightening than channeling.

CHRISTIAN, n. A Christ addict. One who has a lamb on his back.

COMMITTEE OF 300, THE, n. The most secret society in the world, according to Dr. John Coleman, the most full of shit conspiracy writer in the world. (OK, maybe Coleman isn't the MOST full of shit conspiracy writer. Maybe Lyndon LaRouche is more full of shit. Or David Icke. Or William Guy Carr. Or F. Tupper Saussy. Or.... In any case, Coleman is definitely one of the most full of shit conspiracy writers in the world.)

EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN, n. A Christ addict seeking to recruit new users.

GOD, n. The big guy up in the sky who intelligently designed domesticated cats to help humans by eating vermin, and who also intelligently designed the big wildcats, such as man-eating tigers, to help humans by eating humans.

JOY VEH, interj. A Jewish expression of happiness.

KING OF KINGS, THE., n. The boss of all bosses.

LAWYER, n. A master of the court-martial art of Tongue Fu, AKA Jew Jitsu.

MAYAN CALENDER, THE, n. A bridge to galactic wisdom that fosters personal growth and human evolution. (Your money will not be refunded if you are not completely satisfied.)

MEMPHIS, n. An ancient Egyptian city that Elvis had moved to Tennessee.

SMOKER, n. An ambulatory air polluter.